


you're still an innocent

by wibbelkind



Series: and for the first time what's past is past [begin again 'verse] [6]
Category: Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 11:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3608541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wibbelkind/pseuds/wibbelkind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hero finds that John is still clinging to the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're still an innocent

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RedLaces](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedLaces/gifts).



> Written as a promt for Ailish on Tumblr. Prompt sentence: "It's full of pain".  
> Set in their last year of uni.

She's had a rough day and when she gets to his place at 9 PM that night, it's Finley who opens the door.

“Hi Hero.” Finley blinks at her, looking tired. She's wearing yoga pants and her long dark hair is up in a messy bun.

“Hey Fin.” Hero leans forward to hug her. “Is John home?”

“No, not yet. I think he's still working on a project.” Finley scratches her neck. “But he'll probably be back soon. Do you want to come in?”

“Yeah, sure.”

 

They have a cup of tea in the kitchen but Finley needs to return to her laptop to sort through photographs and Hero is fine with spending some time on her own. Finley's and John's house is practically her third home, the second being her own shared flat and the first her mums' house. She's been spending a lot of her past one and a half years here, she has her own cup and a blend of her favourite herbal tea in the cupboard, low enough so she can reach it.

John must have left his room in a hurry in the morning because it's more cluttered than usual and Hero, without thinking much about it, cleans up the empty cups of coffee on the desk and makes the bed, even though she feels like she will probably crash on it soon. Her eyes wander over the chalkboard wall, covered with sketches and notes. The “I love you” she scribbled in the corner three months ago is still there, carefully preserved. She smiles at the memory of that morning, spent lazily cuddled up in bed, with kisses on cheeks and no care about the rest of the world.

 

She hasn't seen John the past few days because they have both been busy. The end of the semester is coming closer and she has been trying to juggle uni, work, friends and a boyfriend, which has been pretty tiring. Mostly it's just the uni and work that is exhausting her. John is understanding and so are her friends. They are all nearing their last exams and it's putting a strain on everyone. Needless to say, she's not feeling her best right now. She just wants to curl up in bed, with John by her side, and sleep for days.

 

His laptop is still running and she opens it to check her email, just in case her lecturers have made some last-minute adjustments to the presentations tomorrow afternoon. John always leaves like 15 tabs open, so his browser window doesn't surprise her. What does surprise her is that the most recent tab shows an all-too-familiar YouTube video, stopped halfway-through.

She knows that it exists, she's just never watched it. There is no need for her to feel the pain of that tragic sixteenth birthday all over again because its events are ingrained in her brain anyway. But why would John watch it again?

Reflexively she closes the tab, sitting there for a moment, staring at the laptop screen. Then finally, she pulls herself together and checks her email.

 

When John finally comes home, she's already half-asleep. She can hear him trying to be as quiet as possible behind her back, probably putting down his bag and dropping off some books, then opening and closing a drawer. The door closes again and after a moment the water starts running in the nearby bathroom.

By the time he returns she's turned around, watching him with tired eyes, yawning. He puts on pyjama bottoms and an old t-shirt before climbing into his bed next to her.

“Hello”, she says with a soft smile.

“Hey”, he mutters. “What are you doing here?”

“Missed you.”

She reaches out to run her fingers through his dark curls, coaxing a smile out of him.

“I wanted to come by the bakery tomorrow”, he says quietly. “Thank you for being faster.”

“Cuddle?”

“Yes please.”

She scoots closer, pulling her blankets over to cover both of their bodies. He wraps one arm around her, his fingers brushing over her back and she can feel his lips pressing against the crown of her head.

“John?”

He hums in reply.

“How are you doing?”

“Fine”, he murmurs. “Just stressed with uni and commissions, that's all. I'm sorry I haven't had much time lately.”

“That's okay, I just- I saw the video you were watching on your laptop”, she says and she can't help but sound worried now. Because she is, she wants him to get better and that won't happen if he keeps bringing up the past.

“Oh.” His thumb stops drawing circles on her shoulder.

“I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to snoop-”

She looks up at him. He's pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers, his eyes closed.

“There is no- I don't have a good response to that”, he finally says. “Except to say I'm sorry.”

“I'm just worried about you, is all. I don't care about the video, I've never watched it. It's full of pain for me. I just don't want you beating yourself up about it.”

“I know.” John lets out a deep sigh. “I just- I haven't- I”

His voice breaks and then falls silent. Hero slides her head onto his chest, pulling his other arm down to wrap around her as well.

“Who you are is not who you've been”, she whispers.

“I'm still an innocent?”, John retorts, lacking the usual sarcasm when it comes to her Taylor Swift references.

“Yeah”, she says and then, very quietly, begins to sing: “It's all right, just wait and see, your string of lights is still bright to me, oh. Who you are is not who you've been, you're still an innocent. It's okay, life is a tough crowd, twenty-one and still growing up now. Who you are is not what you did, you're still an innocent.”

John's arms tighten around her and she can feel a shudder going through his entire body. He rarely cries, which goes to show that right now he's really not fine at all.

“It's okay”, she whispers. “I'm here. I love you.”

 


End file.
